After months of waiting, so much science that if I tried to explain it your head would explode, and a lot of guys in lab coats staring at pictures of hot chicks, Esquire has finally released who “The Sexiest Woman Alive” is: Jessica Biel. Whew! Now that we have that settled, we can all get back to our normal lives.

The sad part about all of this is now that Esquire has told us all who exactly is the sexiest woman alive, what will drunk guys do at bars and frat houses? I guess they can argue who the 2nd sexiest woman alive is, but whats the fun of choosing the first loser? Yeah it sucks, but the cold hard reality is: You can’t debate Esquire. They have decided. Its over. Jessice Biel is the sexiest woman ever, period. I’m sure your girlfriend is very hot, but Esquire has proved that she would look like a hairy dude, wrapped in Saran Wrap that just simultaneously puked and crapped on himself if she ever got into the same zip code as Jessica Biel. You just can’t fight science.

Congratulations Jessica!
(bigger picture of Ms. Biel after the jump)