When I got the nastygram in the mail a few days ago I realized that I had let my little feud with SBC go on a little too long. The note was along the lines of “pay us our protection money now or we’ll fuck with your credit for the next 7 years” or some crazy nonsense. This led to a wonderful conversation with a SBC representative about my bill (who actually spoke real English, imagine that).

Me: “You sent me a nastygram”

SBC: “Pay your bill”

Me: “No. I haven’t had service for a while”

SBC: “That’s because you’ve not paid your bill”

Me: “No, my DSL stopped working because of noise on the line, I called SBC, they did some sort of test and said that the fault was on my side of the wiring. I tested my line at the NID (where SBC’s wire ends, and my local wire starts) and there was static there too. Someone from SBC came out while I was at work and said that he could not hear any noise on the line. I called back, said that was bullshit and I wasn’t going to pay anything until I have service. That was a few months ago. Now I’m talking to you.”

SBC: “Oh. Well, I’m sorry to hear that. If you want your service reinstated we’ll need $180 plus a reconnection fee.”

Me: “No. Being an SBC customer is as enjoyable as being a leech sucking on Wil Wheaton’s left nut.”

Ok Ok.. I didn’t really say that, but in hindsight I kinda wish I had.

Me: “I don’t want any part of SBC at all. No Phone, No DSL, No Nothing.”

SBC: “I’m sorry to hear that. I can cancel the phone but since you have DSL on the line you’ll be charged $200 for early disconnection”

Me: “I’ve had service forever. I should not be charged any disconnect fee.”

The conversation goes on with this person insisting that there will be a fee, me saying no, her getting a second person from SBC to say the same thing, and then finally five minutes later a third SBC flunky comes on the line and says that I’ve been a DSL customer for three years running that no, there should be no disconnect fee.

At this point I wanted to grill the first two flunkies about why they insisted charging me the $200, but I could see the parting of the clouds and didn’t want to rock the boat until I was for sure in the Free and Clear.

In the end I was taken off SBC’s lists and now I’ve got wireless internet from work, skype, and a cell phone from US Cellular. All is good in the world.