Spring Break in a Wal-Mart

Skyler Bartels (Why do people insist on keeping the name “Skyler” alive?) didn’t want to go to Mexico for Spring Break, he wanted to spend it in the local Wal-Mart…all of it…the entire Spring Break…in Wal-Mart. His girlfriend dropped him off with his debit card, cell phone, and the clothes on his back and drove off. He bought what he needed in the store, and walked around meeting people, watching Chicken Little several times and occasionally helped out by fixing the shelved items of his new home. Sadly, after a mere 41 hours, his Wal-Mart vacation had come to an end when he was pretty sure the managers where on to him when hey saw them talking and the door greaters were pointing at him.

Figures its always the door greaters that ruin everything fun. The retarded greaters aren’t so bad…execpt that they usually have too much of a itchy trigger finger on those “simley face sticker” guns they carry. They always want to put 2-3 stickers on what ever it is you are returning and then just to be safe, a sticker on every article of clothing you wore in. But the real menace are the old people greaters. They are always way too eager to check everything because they know anyone younger than them steals stuff. I use to work at Wal-Mart when I was in high school and there was this old lady greater that, I swear, every time a young black guy walked into the store, she would call back to electronics (where I worked) and tell us to be on the lookout for this guy they she knows “…always comes out with more than he bought.” The lady probably caught one black guy in 1977 stealing a pack of gum and swears that he keeps coming back, never aging, and somehow changing his height, 200 times a day. Stupid bitch. Last time I was back in that neighborhood, she was still manning the door. The evil never die.

One last thing, if you were wondering where Skyler slept during his little vacation, here’s a quote that should satisfy you:

“I got to the point,” he said, “where I was adept at falling asleep on the toilet seat, which sounds kind of weird.”

Yes. Yes it does.

Via DesMoinesRegister.com