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A Rant About Cycling Costumes


I don’t know about the rest of the world, but St. Louis seems to have a serious problem with way too many regular Joe’s going out for a bike ride while dressing up in a full-on Lance Armstrong costume. (For clarification, I say “costume” because it looks stupid and out of place, like all costumes do.) You want to go out for a bike ride on a nice day in the city? You go right ahead. However, unless you are actually racing someone there is no need to wrap yourself in a thin layer of yellow stretch fabric when you go biking. None. No reasons at all. Lets call this what it is: Pretending. Its cool, I used to play superheros all the time when I was little. I would go get a cape and “fly” around the house. It was a good time, and we all did it. However, these guys are in, at least, their 30s now, and they are still pretending…but now they are pretending to be something, that for some reason is more sociably acceptable in today’s world. They are a grown man, pretending to be Lance Armstrong. Its one thing to wear the sweat band on your arms and go the whole nine yards with your company’s softball team uniforms. That too, can go too far, but its not all that bad and I’ll admit can be fun at times. The line needs to be drawn at biking and pretending to be Lance Armstrong though. The reason is the sweatbands and high socks aren’t hurting people when they look at you, but squeezing into a tight yellow shirt and your package shoved into even tighter black biker shorts is totally uncool. I don’t care how good you think you look, you don’t look that good. Don’t worry though, no one looks that good. Yes, there are reasons to wear it and I’ll agree that it can help your speed ever so slightly, but that only matters while racing, not while riding through Forest Park on a Sunday.

What the hell is so wrong with a regular t-shirt and shorts anyway?

  • danielcole

    my dad wears that kind of ridiculous outfits too. of course, he clocks in between 3,500-4,000 miles a year…

  • danielcole

    my dad wears that kind of ridiculous outfits too. of course, he clocks in between 3,500-4,000 miles a year…

  • http://beaury.be Ben

    My dad (and many other) wears that kind of ridiculous outfits because the padding for the butt and crotch is sewn into the shorts, not the seat, making shorts necessary for comfort.

    My dad (and many other) wears that kind of ridiculous outfits because Lycia jerseys and shorts are designed to whik sweat and moisture away from the body and into the air, regulating temperature and hydration better during many weather situations.

    Most importantly, my dad (and many other) wears that kind of ridiculous outfits for his safety so he is recognized and seen as a cyclist by normally day-dreaming drivers of cars and trucks.

  • http://beaury.be Ben

    My dad (and many other) wears that kind of ridiculous outfits because the padding for the butt and crotch is sewn into the shorts, not the seat, making shorts necessary for comfort.

    My dad (and many other) wears that kind of ridiculous outfits because Lycia jerseys and shorts are designed to whik sweat and moisture away from the body and into the air, regulating temperature and hydration better during many weather situations.

    Most importantly, my dad (and many other) wears that kind of ridiculous outfits for his safety so he is recognized and seen as a cyclist by normally day-dreaming drivers of cars and trucks.

  • http://hellyeahbitch.com Mike

    I’ll give you the padding in the butt, although it seems like you could sew in padding in any pants not just very tight ones that accentuate the male package. I’ll even see your moisture, though once again they could make the shirt not so damn stupid looking. But I’m not all with you on the safety…lots of other people bike in “regular” clothes and don’t get run over.

    Basically what it comes down to is still pretending. I can understand why Lance Armstrong needs to have FedEx and other companies all over him to make money, but I don’t think those two dorks pictured above are seeing many checks from the names all over their shirt. They could also put all those biking clothes advancements in different looking shirts and shorts, but they don’t because people want to pretend. They just want to look like their hero, which is fine…but they look silly.

    Aw damn, you made me write my article all over again.

  • http://hellyeahbitch.com Mike

    I’ll give you the padding in the butt, although it seems like you could sew in padding in any pants not just very tight ones that accentuate the male package. I’ll even see your moisture, though once again they could make the shirt not so damn stupid looking. But I’m not all with you on the safety…lots of other people bike in “regular” clothes and don’t get run over.

    Basically what it comes down to is still pretending. I can understand why Lance Armstrong needs to have FedEx and other companies all over him to make money, but I don’t think those two dorks pictured above are seeing many checks from the names all over their shirt. They could also put all those biking clothes advancements in different looking shirts and shorts, but they don’t because people want to pretend. They just want to look like their hero, which is fine…but they look silly.

    Aw damn, you made me write my article all over again.

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