I Don’t Know, Just Line Up a Bunch of Country Artists

October 24th, 2006 | by Mike |

I love baseball and I love the St. Louis Cardinals…and as improbable as this sounds after three, eight game losing streaks, I’m excited to say the Cardinals are in the World Series. I do have a problem with the World Series though. No, I’m not going to beat a back-from-the-dead pitcher about his dirty hand, I’m talking about something more important: the city of St. Louis’ national image. The nation at large already thinks we are a bunch of hicks and Major Leage Baseball and the Cardinals themselves seem to be more that happy to simply back that claim up by launching the following lineup for the musical preformances at the three World Series games being held in our fair city:

Game 3 National Anthem: Trace Adkins
Game 3 God Bless America: Jo Dee Messina
Game 4 National Anthem: Billy Ray Cyrus
Game 4 God Bless America: Sugarland

With the execption of Billy Ray Cyrus (Who can forget “Achy Breaky Heart”?) I have no idea who these people are. I’ve been told they are country artists though, and that pisses me off. Although I understand that it can be hard to believe but I’ve lived in St. Louis all my life and I have never listened to country music. Here’s another interesting fact, we have musical talent from the St. Louis area that are not country acts. I know! I couldn’t believe it myself! What are the odds? It makes me want to vomit when I think of the meeting where Major League Baseball was planning out the musical acts:

Guy #1: Who do we want to sing at the St. Louis games?
Guy #2: Does it really matter? Just toss a couple of country artists in there and make them scream “America” a few times…that ought to get that hoosier crowd out there going.
Guy #1: Nice…nice. Good plan buddy. Now what do you say to getting back to our hotel and beating up those Japanese hookers we got earlier and tied up.
Guy #2: Oh yeah!

Besides the fact that those two guys are kinda weird with their beating up hooker fetish, thats probably how it went down. Not all people in St. Louis are inbred hicks…we do however all approve to beating up Japanese hookers. Get your facts straight.

Sorry, comments for this entry are closed at this time.