If Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson Mated
The ladies at CityRag have made yet another breakthrough! If Owen Wilson has a kid with the beautiful Kate Hudson, it might look a little something like this:
Its nice to see Owen’s kid didn’t get that flat as hell boxer’s nose he’s rocking.
via CityRag
Kendra Jade’s Pornstar Poetry?
Pretend for a moment that you are a creepy guy that likes looking on the web for porn…I know its a stretch, but just try to play along for a moment. So say your that guy, and you go to check out former (?) pornstar Kendra Jade’s website looking for a few choice photos or at least a “demo” photo where the good stuff is blurred to get you to pay $33.99 a month to see the full picture and have some lame ass chat with her once a month which you can totally tell its probably her assistant chatting and not her. (I’m just guessing here…mom. Seriously.) So you hop on over to Kendra Jade Online and you see a few crappy pics…not bad…then you run into her poetry:
The View From Here
I have been having conversations with myself again.
Wrestling with ego and pride .Fumbling with deliberate words and illogical reason.
But words are my weapon of choice and I don’t give them to you freely.
I fornicate with them for hours before I offer them up to you as servants.
These are wars that I wage on myself.You see , my heart is a whore , and my soul is a sinner.
My mind is a labrynthe of compassion and angst and
My body ; purgatory for all that may enter .
I’d pick you apart but aren’t angels and devils all the same?
You see, there is no contempt on my mouth
but I speak in tongues so how would you decipher?Here , chew on this.
…
Your sexy feelings go away like your mom just walked in on you and you suddenly realize you are reading poetry with your manhood in your hand. How is a guy like you not snapped up yet?
Look Kendra, its great you are trying to be more than a porn star. Your poetry sucks, but seriously, good for you. However, like most hot girls you can clearly missed the entire point men find you interesting enough to go to your website and here’s a hint: It isn’t your personality or your poetry. Did you think that maybe its because you are hot and happen to hump for a living!? Nah, gotta be the poetry. The fact is dudes didn’t come to your site to learn about the “real you” they came to see you naked and find out what strip club you are going to be at this weekend. Thats all. If you want to release poetry and talk about your life then maybe you should do it on a website with your real name, not your pornstar name. This goes for all hot, non-pornstar chicks as well! Guys didn’t come over to study with you to talk about your hamster and get help in a class you have a D in…they came to hang out with you, stare at you and are hoping that just by proximity, they might be the lucky one to get laid.
Hot chicks can be so diluted.
via A Blog Soup
Please Send Britney Spears Underwear
A few weeks ago things really started to turn around for everyone’s favorite pop singer gone trailer trash. First, she finally (maybe?) dumped that waste of space white god of rapping and walking punchline, Kevin Federline. Soon after, Britney ran across a genie which gave her the power to turn her ass fat in huge tits. I mean how often do things go so well for someone so stupid? It turns out the answer to that question is “Not long.” because her stupid ass screwed things back up by doing the following two things: 1. She started hanging out with Paris Hilton. and 2. She stopped wearing underwear.
Number 1 is one thing. Everyone famous seems to hang out with Paris. I don’t know why, but they do. Hell, famous people do crazy crap. Hanging out with Paris is just another thing in the list of stuff famous people shouldn’t do, it might hurt their career, but they do it anyway. She’s like another Scientology. Number 2 however, is a big one. Its great that the genie gave her the ability to convert ass fat into boob fat, but she’s still nowhere near where she used to be. If Britney got out of her car looking like 2000 Britney, it would be cool that she didn’t wear underwear. But when you look like 2006 Britney, even late 2006 Britney, its not cool. Sometimes irony is cool, sometimes it sucks and sometimes it looks like a shaved, still fat crotch that you wish used to look like the crotch every high school kid and creepy old dudes fantasized about 5 years ago.
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #40
We (in the royal sense of course) covered Heidi a few week’s back in Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #26, so when I stumbled upon these Heidi pictures earlier this week I though to myself: “Its too soon!” It only took another minute or so to realize that I was talking about Heidi Klum pictures and not of a Hurricane Katrina joke. Its never too soon for Heidi Klum pictures! Hurricane Katrina jokes aren’t cool until at least this Thursday at roughly 2:47 pm Central Standard Time. Seriously.
While you wait and count the minutes before you can unleash your well crafted Hurricane Katrina joke on the world on Thursday at 2:47 pm Central Standard Time, feel secure in the knowledge that you will never have to wait or feel bad about looking at Heidi Klum pictures ever. Unless maybe if Seal is looking over your shoulder. That might get weird.
Three more after the jump…
Leah Culver is a Blonde Genius
Lean Culver of the surprisingly named leahculver.com, came up with a cream dream supreme of an idea. She had those zany, heavily laden with venture capitalist cash Web 2.0 companies sponsor her bid for a new laptop. At $150 a square inch, she sold roughly 40 ads and got her new laptop for free. After it was all said and done…and engraved…it looked like this.
My first thought: How can I get a sweet piece of this action? Could I make a St. Louis version? Would people actually by into this? Do you have to be a cute blond to get this idea off the ground?
Will these questions be answered? Be sure to keep checking Hell Yeah Bitch! .com for the thrilling conclusion where we find out the answers to those questions, in order, are: “Do your own.”, “Yes.”, “Probably not.”, and “It wouldn’t hurt.”
So who wants to by an add?
Here’s the video of the process.
Here’s more general info on engraving a laptop.
Mike Reviews the Hell Out of Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny
Yes, thats right. Hell Yeah Bitch! .com got a exclusive early sneak peak at the new Tenacious D movie The Pick of Destiny and, yes, we plan to give you a review.
Lets start by prefacing this with the statement that I am a huge Tenacious D fan. I watched their short lived HBO episodes countless times while in college, I listened to their album along with any and all bootlegs cuts from the show and concerts I could get a hold of. That being said, I don’t want to sound too mushy or for you to get the idea that I would love it if The D’s movie turned out to be nothing more that the film equivalent of Kyle Gass dropping a Cleveland Steamer on my chest. I really did go into this movie with quite a bit of trepidation. I wanted it to be good so bad and I didn’t want them to lose touch with the humble and hilarious HBO show roots that I actually came into the theater with more than a little chip on my shoulder ready to be pissed. The final result though? I loved it. If you don’t mind hearing details, vague storyline tidbits and a list of memorable cameos please continue reading. I’ll be good, I won’t spoil the movie.
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #39
After a day of meetings, I got in late last night from my trip to Salt Lake City. On the way home from the airport I stopped and helped two orphans find new adopted parents, then I stopped by a farm to cure a cow of giving sour milk followed by a dinner of Arby’s. Needless to say, I was busy. …but not so busy that I forgot about the most important thing: Taking my anti-psychotic medication. I also didn’t forget the second most important thing: You, the readers that love Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo Fridays. These pics have been making the rounds the last few days, but they aren’t bad. God bless photoshop.
Who The Hell Prefers Sitting Three in a Row?
So I’m on a business trip to Salt Lake City today and tomorrow, hence the sparse publishing…sorry about that. So we get in to the airport in Salt Lake City last night and we are waiting for the shuttle, which is just a fancy word for van, that will take us to our hotel. It arrives, and my co-worker, Phil and I pile in. To set the scene, there is already two ladies sitting together in the first of three “van benches”. Phil takes the far back van bench, and I, acting in a normal, healthy, human way, take the second bench myself. I know this is boring, but stay with me because this is wear the odd thing happens. So we make another quick stop at the other end of the airport and three more ladies get on. The first on, hops on as a third person on the front bench. Odd, because who wants to make the bench a three-seater, but I forgave it because someone had to go three deep, and I figured she was just taking on for the team. However, when the next to ladies got on, the first one sat next to me…no problem…and the third one sat next to her! Making our row a second three seater and Phil was in the back by himself! What the hell? The correct configuration would have been 1 row with three people, and 2 rows with two people! Who the hell makes a row a smushed three seater when there easily could have been two comfortable two-seaters? What the hell is wrong with that woman? Is she not human? All humans are born with slight, but healthy fear of too much physical contact. Its a good thing, particularly with strangers, and this woman just threw that one good human instinct and took a crap on it. Why the hell would you do that, not only to the other two people, but to yourself? What sense does that make. Ridiculous.
More on Salt Lake City later.