Down With Breakfast: A Case For Lunch
Whats your favorite meal? If you were going to say breakfast, shut up. Everyone says breakfast and everyone is wrong. Maybe you have been brainwashed by the all the commercials and health teachers always saying “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” Well guess what? I hate breakfast. I have all my life. In fact there are millions of us breakfast haters out there and none of us ever find ourselves clinging to the hand rails on the stairs in our offices screeching “Dear god, I need hash browns or I can’t go on!” at 10:00 in the morning. We all seem to live our lives just fine with a Coke in the morning. Say goodbye to Breakfast Myth #1, I just killed it.
There’s another reason why 98% of the world thinks breakfast is their favorite meal, and thats because breakfast is the only meal that gets its own set of food. Oh no, they won’t admit it, but its true. Sure, of course you can eat what you want, when you want, but lunch and dinner foods are, unlike breakfast, interchangeable. Someone eats ham and mashed potatoes for lunch or a meatball sub for dinner, its a non-issue, but if someone decides to have eggs and pancakes with syrup for dinner, they aren’t having “dinner” they are having “breakfast for dinner”. Don’t roll your eyes, look within yourself and tell me you don’t call it that when you have eggs for dinner. Example: “Whats for dinner tonight honey?” “I thought it would be fun if we had ‘Breakfast for Dinner’!” Yeah, I thought so.
If you really get through all the “specialness” and brainwashing related to breakfast, you will realize that the true leader of meals is in fact lunch. Yes. Lunch. Lunch is a great meal that can have more uses than it knows what to do with. There are fancy lunches, quick lunches, business lunches, and the list goes on and on. There isn’t even a set time for lunch. Lunch just roams the broad swatch of time entitled “Between Breakfast and Dinner.” Lunch is also the native environment for the world’s most perfect food: The Sandwich. It is the sandwich that blends so perfectly with the free-wheeling meal that is lunch. Sandwiches can be neat and tidy, easy to check your email or talk to a coworker while eating. But the good sandwiches are the bad-ass, attention-hungry ones, like sloppy sandwiches that drip sauce, they cause you to really focus on it. ** Together lunch and sandwich are a rebellious pair that go and do what they please. You can take a sandwich anywhere, and chances are when you get there, its still time for lunch.
Look into your souls and you know that lunch is way better than breakfast could ever be. Lunch is the king! Spread the word. Together we can expose breakfast as the early-rising, stuck-up, sibling that everyone thinks is perfect but you know is really a complete slut in the basement of the church with that weird kid from two streets up that has his hair in a little rat tail and always wears that smelly leather jacket. No lunch doesn’t follow all of your rules, but he’s way better than that whore.
** If you make a good sandwich, and you want people to enjoy it, add something messy (even if it doesn’t fit) just to make people really focus on it. Peanut butter sandwiches are fine, but you don’t think about it because its a neat sandwich, but you add a healthy dose of jelly and you notice how good it is because you have your eyes on the prize making sure nothing drips on you. Back
Is MySpace finally getting the backlash it so rightly deserves?
There’s an article on The Wall Street Journal about people leaving MySpace, the ubiquitous site that allows users to create their own little ugly-ass pages. The star of the article is one 20 year old Jenny Thompson, who sounds like a newer version of a John Hughes movie character. Here’s a quick quote from the article:
After Ms. Thompson created a MySpace page two years ago, she found herself sifting through dozens of requests daily from would-be acquaintances seeking to link to her page. By early this year, she’d amassed 4,000 such “friends,” most of them strangers. Many flooded her page with remarks like “omg” — shorthand for “oh my god” — “you’re so beautiful.” By June, Ms. Thompson, who resides in New London, Conn., was sick of the comments and posted a farewell ode before deleting her page:
“good bye myspace.
I’ve always hated you.
I just never had what it took
to leave”
How needlessly dramatic of you Jenny. Bravo. I’ll now pass the mic to Duncan from doctorvee.com and relay his sentiment, to which I couldn’t agree more:
Did she not realise(sic) that the solution might have been to deny some friend requests instead of just writing a shitty attention-seeking poem? It’s a bit like those people who post dramatic “I’M LEAVING!!!” threads on forums. If you’re leaving, why the jizz are you still posting?
Why does this skrank act like she’s giving up heroin or Sceintology as opposed to a stupid Oughties version of Geocitites and Anglefire? Give me a break. The worst part? Well thats the fact that the damn Wall Street Journal picked up on it and validated her shitty poem.
People, its just a dumb site get a grip. I hate you Jenny Thompson…unless you are hot, then send me some pictures.
via doctorvee