Apparently the way to announce you are throwing your hat in the ring this year is to do it on the internet, so thats what I’m about to do. I, Mike Flynn, am officially announcing my candidacy for the position of Anna Nicole Smith’s Baby Daddy.
Let me start my announcement by saying it was a tough decision making process that I went through before coming to this conclusion, but with the recent announcement of even more candidates, I felt I had no choice but to step up. I know my opponents in this race will say “Wait, that dude has never even met Anna Nicole Smith!” But that is simply not true. Anna and I have met and I did have sex with her more than a few times. I can say now that it was gross, and I had to partake in a “Crying Game”-style shower involving Brillo Pads and sobbing after each and every encounter with Anna. That being said, my post-coitus activities have nothing to do with the fact that I should win the election and become Anna Nicole Smiths Baby Daddy 2007.
Look at my opponents! They include a blood-sucking lawyer, a member of the paparazzi and some douchey body guard. Are those the types of men that should win this election, the baby, and that sweet sweet money? No. I should. My only flaw is that I slept with Anna Nicole Smith and clearly thats the common denominator.
Elect me Anna Nicole Smith’s Baby Daddy 2007 and I will promise to go away and never do Larry King Live, use some of the money for good, and I promise not to accidentally leave the baby on the couch when I go to get a beer and then come back with my beer and forget I have a baby and sit on it for like 5 hours and then get up and go to bed for 12 hours and then pick up the blankets on my couch and do the laundry, still forgetting about the baby, and then find the baby in my clothes hamper all flattened out and hard with little pieces of fuzz all over it like when you leave a bunch of Kleenex in your pocket.