Is it cool to fight a wheelchair jockey?
My initial thought on this one is a “yes”.
Sure the common thought is that no you can’t walk up and punch a handicapped person in the throat, but I’m not sure thats the answer anyone really wants when you get right down to it. I present to you my argument in the following paragraphs, afterwards feel free to put a pencil in your mouth and type out a hate comment on the keyboard your nurse set in front of your chest.
1. What if the handicapped person is an asshole?
Without a doubt! Ok, picture a guy that is totally and completely an asshole. This guy eats your fries at lunch, he does that thing where he takes his finger and flicks the bill of your hat and flips it off your head and he even does that thing where he looks at you and lunges forward while stopping on the floor. He’s a d*** . That dude totally deserves to get his ass handed to him on a plate right? Ok, now imagine instead of that stopping thing he wheels over your feet and instead of flicking your hat off your head he rolls into the bathroom looking for that nice handicap stall right after he knows you just went in there to use it thus pressuring you to rush yourself and then everyone in the office thinks you are a jerk for using it even though they all use it too. Screw that bastard. He deserves to be picked up and strapped to a chair with no wheels for a while. That’ll teach that little bastard won’t it. Lets see him roll over people’s feet sitting on one of those straight back chairs from the lobby!
Handicapped or not, it doesn’t change the fact that assholes deserve to be treated like crap, it only affects the way you punish them.
2. What if the handicapped person is really really really annoying?
Let me throw something back at you: Would you fight a well-bodied guy that was being really annoying? If you can honestly answer yes to that question, then I say go a head and crack that handicapper over the head with a flower vase. Again, its all about being fair. If you are the kind of guy that will stick a guy because he is going on and on about his family’s nicknames for each other when you are trying to work, then go ahead and stick the hobbled version of the same guy.
Incidentally, the vase is a nice touch because it will do the job and when it breaks and the water and flowers come out it will provide a little comedy as well.
3. Ok, so you decided to fight him or her…is it fair to throw a punch?
Totally. Its a fight and it already gotten this far, so trust me, they aren’t worried about tossing appendages at you. Maybe you let them start it, but you go right ahead and get in there after that.
Sure, if you really want to be totally fair, you could find a chair, sit down, and fight them that way to level the playing field. Although, thats really up to you because if they are initiating this fight, they know what they are getting into…unless they are a little retarded too…but then they won’t probably remember their beating anyway. Either way, its still your call and you can just go with the flow and play it by ear.
4. …what about kicking? Can I kick them?
Look, I’m writing this piece so clearly I’m a bit of an asshole, but even I’m not sure walking up and kicking a girl in a wheelchair in the throat is such a cool thing to do. …but then again, like I said before, if they picked the fight, they knew you could use your legs coming in so if thats the case, kick away. If not, maybe just keep it to upper body.
Fair is fair. You can’t want to be treated like everyone else, not be treated differently in any way, and then take it all back when the s*** goes down. You start s*** , you get s*** no matter what you are sitting in.
Note: I’m joking. …or am I? dun dun daaaaaaaa!