Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #58: Kelly Hazell

April 6th, 2007 | by Mike |

Ok, I punted last week. If I was a football player, I would stand up, dust myself off, take out my diamond fronts, pound my chest and say “On me dog. On me.” So are we cool now? What if I promise to stop pounding your girlfriend? Ok, deal. But its on you to get her to stop calling me.

Its been so many days since the last Gratuitous post, I almost forgot the goal of my Fridays…oh yeah, I remember…to give you a boner. (If you are girl, I meant: Illustrating the beauty of the female form…or something.) This week, I have someone that will get us right back on track with our usual Friday goal: Kell Hazell. Look, I could tell you how hot she is, but I know you already cheated and looked down at the picture. So basically you ruined it for me. Are you happy now? Hell, you probably aren’t even reading this. Shit, there’s now way anyone is reading this after you cheating bastards looked at the picture before you would let me lead up to it with some story I pull out of my ass painstakingly wrote for you! Dicks.

However, since I know that no one could possibly still be reading this, lets take the opportunity to confess some things and clean the cobwebs out of the old soul. It is Easter soon and I think that has something to do with Jesus, so confessions make sense. Here are 5:
1. I was the one that told Paris Hilton she was “really hot” and she should “..get out more in the public eye, they’ll love you!”
2. I lied a little while ago when I said I would stop pounding your girlfriend.
3. I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
4. Sometimes I quote Johnny Cash to make myself sound cool, but I just end up sounding like a douche.
5. I like to make lists that are one item longer than I really thought about, thus having a stupid throw-away list item at the end.

Wheew. I feel better. Enjoy your “straight 90”.

Two more after the jump because you are sexy and I love you!

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