“Heroes” is one of those shows I’ve always meant to watch.  I even went as far to download (read: acquire legally…nah fuck it…I stole that shit!) the entire first season, but clearly I’m not that in to it since its been sitting around for a month now without me even taking the time to unrar it.  Now, I see these shots of Kristen Bell sitting in a lounge chair with her young body and old person hat and I says to myself: “Self, maybe you unrar those episodes this weekend and try to catch up on this show with now two cute blonde chicks.”  I’d tell that voice in my head I just quoted to shut up so I can do something better with my time like feed homeless people or read books about other people feeding homeless people, but the voice always wins and I end up burning something or killing people.

What?  No, I don’t want to do that!  I always hold on the match too long and it burns my fingers… 

I have to go.  Enjoy the pics after the jump, hopefully they make up for my sad excuse for blogging lately.

… Continue Reading

Please someone put this bitch out of her misery.  There is stupid, and there is retarded and then there is Sherri Shepard from the View.  During one of their famous “talk all at once” debates (this one about evolution) Whoppi Goldberg asks Shepard if the world was flat.  Clearly that question was asked rhetorically to make a point, but Whoppi didn’t count on the depths of Shepard’s knowledge about basic science being more like a wading pool with an inflatable pirate ship in it than the deep end of a regular pool.  Here is their exchange.

There’s not much to say here except for this: When someone asks you a question that you don’t know the answer too, replying with any variation of “…well, what I do know is that I love my kids!” is quite possibly the dumbest fucking thing you could say.  Is it embarrassing that you, a grown woman, don’t know if the world is flat or not?  You bet your giant black ass it is!  But trying to turn it around with “I do know I love my kids” is bullshit.  What?  I can’t make fun of you for being one rung below Corky from “Life Goes On” on the academic ladder simply because you just announced that you love your kids?   Having the ability to love and being a complete idiot are completely separate traits.  Sure, with someone is as dumb as Sherri Shepard clearly is, you have to wonder if she has the parenting skills of a bird and could push her child out of her house at any time purely based on the fact that the kid smells different that day, but all the same, loving and being stupid are separate. 

I’m sure Shepard loves her kids, but I’m also sure that the right thing to do would be to make those kids orphans by dragging their mom away and having her thrown off the “end of the world”.  It will really be some sand dune in the desert, but like she’s going to the difference.

To those of us with new iPhone babies, we have the same worry that “real” parents do:  Eventually, your child (be it squeezed from Apple or a vagina) might eventually get cracked out.  Its scary, but it can happen…see below:

Poor Kevin.

However, all is not lost.  Some dude on the Something Awful forums was able to fix his crack baby iPhone and give it a semi-normal life.  Here’s the list of materials from his post:

Things you need:

1. Razorblade (.47 cents)
2. Dremel or Rotary tool (I am not working this into the price of $5, hopefully you have one of these)
3. Scissors ($1.53)
4. A single sheet of 1/32 of an inch thick clear plastic. This can be obtained at most hardware stores. ($3 bucks)
5. Safety goggles, glasses, anything to protect your eyes (you should have this too)
6. Anger, spite, and an imagination.

Here’s the synopsis of the method via Ars Technica:

[The Dude From The Forums] was able to successfully replace the cracked glass on
his iPhone with the clear plastic (although you should note that
replacing it with plastic will definitely remove the iPhone’s almost
mystical scratch-resisting abilities). He did so by scraping off the
broken glass with the razor blade, which results in a bunch of glue
stuck to the LCD behind the glass. This is where some good old Goo Gone
came in. Once the glue was removed, he measured out the plastic to the
perfect proportions and rounded the corners with the dremel. Hey, no
one said this process was for the faint of heart, folks.

Now like all recovering crack-heads, the iPhone can go on a have a good life, but it still just “ain’t right.”  For instance, the touchscreen works, but like stated above, its not even remotely scratch resistant.  Still the best thing to do is keep your little iPhone baby off crack, but if he does fall in to that crowd, now you can kinda fix him…but he’ll never be able to get a better job than working at that car wash down the street and you will kinda have to support him for the rest of your life…and he will always have to wear one of those helmets with a chin strap and a headlight on top.

Check out the bat during the replay in this video.  You couldn’t do that if you tried.

For more information, check out the Wikipedia page for Parti Citron

via Best Week Ever

I want to be able to post to Pownce all day and then every six hours or so have the last six hours of posting aggregated in to one post, in the form of a list, on my site.

Jason Kottke has something like this on his MovableType installation that works with Twitter.

I started working on this plugin, but work got busy and I set it down, so I’m looking for an assist. Hook a brother up!

…I guess it would help if pownce had a freaking API, but one could do it with the feed they provide.

Unrelated notes: The Movable Type iPhone plugin rocks and I’m getting really good at double-thumb typing on the iPhone.

A few months ago, I blurbed poetic about Jenna Fischer, everyone’s favorite secretary on the US version of The Office:

Just throwing this out there to see if it sticks…but I think they
need to write more episodes of the office where Pam somehow ends up
dressed like this.

…maybe I can guest star. …maybe we can somehow find out how to
make out on the show. …then maybe Lindsay Lohan comes in, and you know
she won’t be wearing a bra, and she starts joining in. Nice. …Then
maybe right when we all get naked I wake up in front of my computer
under a pile of comic books, Apple stickers and Weird Al Yankovic
albums and realize I’m a geek and not the sexy secret agent I make
myself out to be on eHarmony. A geek that suddenly as laundry to do.

Well guess who is suddenly single?!  No, not me…my girlfriend is cool…plus she thinks I run LOLcats.com not Hell Yeah Bitch! .com. The answer was Jenna Fischer!  Nice!  Here is the PR statement about it:

“We have chosen to separate. We are sorry for any pain this causes
family and friends,” says the statement. “The enthusiasm we have
expressed for each other’s lives, spirits and careers is real – we have
been each other’s cheerleader and friend during the past six years and
continue to be so now and in the future.”

The only thing out of that load of crap above was that Jenna was a “cheerleader” which means to me that she probably has some cheerleader outfit / costume that she wears around. 

Jenna, I know you are probably busy paying people to make crap up like the paragraph above for you, but next time you come home to St Louis, look me up!  I can run to my parent’s place and come back with my high school letter jacket in just over an hour.  I’m just saying…letter jackets go great with cheerleader uniforms.  So do a 5th of vodka, a large tarp and several tins of anchovies.  I’ll explain when you call.

Editor’s Note: Yeah, I had a letter jacket…which means ole Mike has run his pineapple through quite a number of ladies.

I’ve been living the dream with my iPhone for a few days now.  I’ve played with it enough that I have my initial reactions:
1. As I said previously, I want to finger bang Visual Voicemail.  Its awesome.
2. I know there is the “guesses” it does when you are typing, but I wish it still had spell check.
3. Having a plan with 200 text messages a month is great and having software that displays them like they should be (in conversations) is even better.
4. The ringer switch?  Awesome for meetings and movies.
5. I wish I could add/remove the widgets.  I don’t give a crap about stocks.

There a few are more, but no one likes a list that has a total number that isn’t divisible by 5 so I’ll stop there.  The question I have now is to hack or not to hack.  I’ve had a few stability issues with it already, so adding anything that, according to Apple, shouldn’t be there worries be a bit on the stabilization front, but other than that, I really would love to have IM and a NES emulator.

Has anyone else out there hacked theirs?  Is it so awesome your boner hasn’t gone down yet or it is slightly less than that?

Here’s a link to a great walkthrough of just how easy it is to “hack” your iPhone these days.  I think I’ll wait through one more Apple firmware update before I seriously consider this, but its very tempting.

Update: Here’s another, better walkthrough.

“I wish Visual Voicemail was a woman so I could hump it.”

More on my new iPhone later!