You Are the 9th Worst Person in America
Its true according to The Beast:
9. You
Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone
says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border
integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you
to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find
to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence
to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism
– it’s nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter
than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to
blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself
over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge
of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears’
children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think
you’re going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase “enhanced
interrogation techniques.” You think the government is actually trying
to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think
two parties is enough. You can’t spell. You think $9 trillion in debt
is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you
don’t want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think
the economy’s doing well. You’re an idiot.Exhibit A: You couldn’t get enough Anna Nicole Smith
coverage.Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you
continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated
disorder that your health insurance doesn’t cover. You deserve it, chump.
Ok, I’ll admit, that if you are reading this on Hell Yeah Bitch! .com, that probably doesn’t entirely describe you, but I bet you know at least 30 people that it describes to perfection…especially if you live in Missouri.
You They suck.