Comparing The Frisky’s Boyfriend List to Mike

November 10th, 2008 | by Mike |

I have my list of “everyday” sites, and another list of sites I like to keep my eye on because they are great, but their content isn’t exactly in my wheelhouse.  The Frisky is one of those sites, and today I noticed they have complied a list, with the help of their readers, of the top 100 things women want/demand in a boyfriend.

I thought it would be fun to reprint the list here and see how well I do, by marking the list item in green if I think thats me.  (FYI, this list is impossible to pass.  So either the lovely ladies that made this list are going to have to get over some of these items, or go les.  For the record, I’m all for either choice they make…except for the big ladies…get over the list, don’t go les.  Seeing fatty lesbians just makes the porn-style fantasy harder to recreate in my mind later.)

On with the list!

My Next Boyfriend…

1. …will not cheat on me. 
2. …will recycle, donate to a cause, volunteer, and otherwise be a contributing member to society’s well-being. 
3. …won’t put others down to make himself feel better.  [Mike’s Note: Why else do you do this?]
4. …will treat everyone with respect. 
5. …will have a job. 
6. …will not smoke pot. 
7. …will talk when the need arises versus trying to put it off until later. 
8. …will not watch ESPN endlessly. 
9. …will not judge me for watching bad TV. 
10. …will not be jealous of my gay best friend. 
11. …will not want to spend every waking second with me. 
12. …will call and not text. 
13. …will be tall. [Mike’s Note: Fuck you bitches for this one!]
14. …will be emotionally mature, available, and evolved. 
15. …will not wear a cell phone holster. 
16. …will know how to manage his money. 
17. …will not be vain. 
18. …will ask me how I’m doing and how my day was and actually care. 
19. …will be content sometimes to spend the whole day in bed watching movies and eating takeout. 
20. …will compliment me every now and then, especially when I’ve made an effort to look nice for a night out. 
21. …will not be an alcoholic. 
22. …will have goals, dreams, and the drive to achieve them. 
23. …will understand that ‘No’ means ‘No.’ 
24. …will know how to do his own laundry. 
25. …will text or call just to say ‘Hi.’ 
26. …will not live across the country. 
27. …will consider a long distance relationship if he has to move away. 
28. …will be interested in culture, music, art, and travel. 
29. …will have read a book since high school. 
30. …will not snore…much. 
31. …will tell the truth. 
32. …will be open-minded and non-judgmental of others. 
33. …will put as much effort forth to find out about my day as I did about his. 
34. …will learn how to communicate like an adult. 
35. …will actually enjoying spending time with me. 
36. …will be crazy about me as much as I will be about him. 
37. …will not make me feel dumb or childish. 
38. …will appreciate the art of foreplay. 
39. …will not try to teach me when I didn’t ask to be taught. 
40. …will wear plaid well. 
41. …will want to go to sleep at night with me, and wake up beside me in the mornings, not on the couch. 
42. …will have sex with his eyes open, most of the time. 
43. …will appreciate my efforts to try new things. 
44. …will talk to me when something bothers him. 
45. …will love me for me—faults, imperfections and all—and love me all the more for them. 
46. …will continually surprise me. 
47. …will lovingly accept my neurosis. 
48. …will have the ‘we’ team mentality. 
49. …will stay with me through joy and pain. 
50. …will have a backbone in the relationship and not be afraid to tell me ‘no.’ 
51. …will be a great kisser. 
52. …will have a great sense of humor, but know when to be serious. 
53. …will be more passionate in random moments. 
54. …will know who he is as a person and be honest about that. 
55. …will think I’m HOT, not just cute. 
56. …will treat me as well as my friends do. 
57. …will be able to laugh at himself. 
58. …will have a regular sized temper than does not super-size itself randomly. 
59. …will kiss me passionately every once and a while. 
60. …will give me space. 
61. …will not have a fixation with his ex. 
62. …will not make me feel like I’m only second best. 
63. …will be able to think more than two day in the future. 
64. …will not go to bed at 9:30 pm. 
65. …will have a good spiritual connection, but not enough to make me think he may want to be a priest. 
66. …will want a family. 
67. …will know what a commitment is and follow up that knowledge with actions that support it. 
68. …will understand that relationships aren’t all perfect, and that sometimes fighting can resolve difficult issues. 
69. …will like going out on a week night sometimes, rather than just watching TV. 
70. …will be responsible with money. 
71. …will get more satisfaction than dissatisfaction from his job. 
72. …will appreciate that my child is my number one priority. 
73. …will be able to deal with my pet. 
74. …will talk dirty. 
75. …will be confident in himself, but not egotistical. 
76. …won’t have an extensive and publicly known porn collection. 
77. …will trust me. 
78. …will be more interested in sex because he wants to be with me, not because it’s sex and he just wants it. 
79. …will love wine. 
80. …will take out the trash and happily do the dishes. 
81. …will not take himself so seriously. 
82. …will not beat a dead horse of a conversation when we disagree, and try to strong arm to prove he is right 
83. …will not be selfish with his love when things don’t go his way. 
84. …will say he’s open minded and actually mean it 
85. …won’t judge me by my past relationships. 
86. …will not remind me of how hot girls are that are the complete opposite of me. 
87. …will not push anal sex on me every time I’m on my period. 
88. …will have sex with me while I’m on my period. 
89. …will have already installed the filter that lets him know when not to say inappropriate, offensive things in front of me. 
90. …will love that I have such a big heart. 
91. …will be smart but not snide. 
92. …will not have friends of the opposite sex who aren’t just friends. 
93. …will love that I’m independent. 
94. …will be okay with little displays of affection such as holding hands. 
95. …will not be in trouble with the law. 
96. …will like to go down on me. 
97. …will not spend engagement-ring money on a Skeeball lane for his basement. 
98. …will VOTE and not make excuses about why he chooses not to vote. 
99. …will NOT be a manorexic gym fanatic. 
100. …will stand up for me if someone unexpectedly attacks me, verbally or otherwise, and ask questions later.

  1. 798 Responses to “Comparing The Frisky’s Boyfriend List to Mike”

  2. By Robin on Nov 12, 2008 | Reply

    As Mike's wife I can say for the record he is a great kisser, but I'm a little unsure about how he is judging me on my past relationships, perhaps I made a few mistakes

  3. By Robin on Nov 12, 2008 | Reply

    As Mike's wife I can say for the record he is a great kisser, but I'm a little unsure about how he is judging me on my past relationships, perhaps I made a few mistakes

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