Hell Yeah Bitch! .com » Current Events

Microsoft To Buy McDonalds and Taco Bell

Mike — Wed, 04 Jan 2006 19:18:19 +0000

Deciding it wasn’t enough to just make computers bad with their cumbersome OS and Office products, Microsoft is in talks to buy both McDonald’s and Taco Bell in order to also be responsible for making our meals bad as well. An anonymous source familiar with the nearly finalized proceedings, stated “We at Microsoft know that people run out of the office at lunch to take a break from their Windows computers, and if we can figure out a way to get into the lunch game and somehow ruin the one break these people have, we would make every effort to do that.” When asked about the rumored “Google PC” sporting a possible new OS, directly from Google, the source merely scoffed at the notion. “Most people don’t need another PC, but they do need to eat, everyday, without fail. Our approach is flawless: Get them where they eat. We can do anything, put advertisements on the buns or taco shells, whatever we want. People can switch to Mac or Linux at the drop of a hat if they want, but the fat-asses in this country will never stop coming to McDonald’s or Taco Bell. Never.” Before walking away, the source interjected “Plus, lets see those dumb-ass rumor-mongering tech blog writers see this shit coming!”

Check that out: I can make up rumors too! It doesn’t take an “A-List” blogger to post wild rumors, we here at Hell Yeah Bitch! .com can do that just as well as the big boys. Seriously, one look at tech.memeorandum.com and you think all the tech business leaders hung out all Christmas break smoking weed and eating Cheetos thinking up crazy deals. It can’t be all true. It just can’t. Lets just all remember that when we check out the news around the “blogosphere” in the next couple of weeks.

Examples:
When $80 Billion Is Not Enough
Blog debate: is Apple making a game console?
Industry Feeling Presence of the 800-Pound Google

Dan is Released from his SBC Shackles

dan — Sat, 31 Dec 2005 01:24:04 +0000

When I got the nastygram in the mail a few days ago I realized that I had let my little feud with SBC go on a little too long. The note was along the lines of “pay us our protection money now or we’ll fuck with your credit for the next 7 years” or some crazy nonsense. This led to a wonderful conversation with a SBC representative about my bill (who actually spoke real English, imagine that).

Me: “You sent me a nastygram”

SBC: “Pay your bill”

Me: “No. I haven’t had service for a while”

SBC: “That’s because you’ve not paid your bill”

Me: “No, my DSL stopped working because of noise on the line, I called SBC, they did some sort of test and said that the fault was on my side of the wiring. I tested my line at the NID (where SBC’s wire ends, and my local wire starts) and there was static there too. Someone from SBC came out while I was at work and said that he could not hear any noise on the line. I called back, said that was bullshit and I wasn’t going to pay anything until I have service. That was a few months ago. Now I’m talking to you.”

SBC: “Oh. Well, I’m sorry to hear that. If you want your service reinstated we’ll need $180 plus a reconnection fee.”

Me: “No. Being an SBC customer is as enjoyable as being a leech sucking on Wil Wheaton’s left nut.”

Ok Ok.. I didn’t really say that, but in hindsight I kinda wish I had.

Me: “I don’t want any part of SBC at all. No Phone, No DSL, No Nothing.”

SBC: “I’m sorry to hear that. I can cancel the phone but since you have DSL on the line you’ll be charged $200 for early disconnection”

Me: “I’ve had service forever. I should not be charged any disconnect fee.”

The conversation goes on with this person insisting that there will be a fee, me saying no, her getting a second person from SBC to say the same thing, and then finally five minutes later a third SBC flunky comes on the line and says that I’ve been a DSL customer for three years running that no, there should be no disconnect fee.

At this point I wanted to grill the first two flunkies about why they insisted charging me the $200, but I could see the parting of the clouds and didn’t want to rock the boat until I was for sure in the Free and Clear.

In the end I was taken off SBC’s lists and now I’ve got wireless internet from work, skype, and a cell phone from US Cellular. All is good in the world.

Mike’s Predictions for 2006

Mike — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 02:26:53 +0000

It seems bloggers have to do one or both of the following things at the end of every year or someone will take their Blogger account away: Recap the current year, or give a list of predictions for the next year. Since I just got a call about them taking my seldom used Blogger account away from me (you never know, I might need it.), I better get to it! I present to you my predictions for 2006:

1. Jason Calacanis will continue to go on and on about Weblogs Inc, AOL and rival Gawker. Only his employees will care.
2. After the new year, things will get crazy at MacRumors with all the Mac World buzz. Someone will find a video or picture which will be about as grainy as the Loch Ness footage and it will claim to be the first look at the new Intel Mac that will be faster, have a cheese grater built it and give you a hand job if you feel sad. Thankfully the footage is even grainer during the hand job demonstration.
3. There will be another comic book movie released (not in the Spiderman or X-Men family) and everyone will be very excited about it until someone actually watches it.
4. Windows Vista will be released but in their rush to get it out, Microsoft will eliminate the following items: Security, the ability to open multiple windows, and your only wall paper can be a the Time magazine cover will the Gates’ on it.
5. …wait what? Scratch that last one. Vista won’t come out.
6. Jessica Simpson will fall in love with me and then I’ll have to think of a way to let her down gently.
7. BoingBoing will post 238 unicorn pictures.
8. Google will make something new. People will go crazy talking about it. When its released people will scramble to sign up, followed by 1000s of blog articles about how its “The greatest thing ever!” or how bad “It sucks!”
9. Everyone will chill out a little bit on Podcasts.
10. It will rain. At least once.

There you have it. If I’m right: I told you so. If I’m wrong: I can’t believe you remembered these predictions.

Wall Street Journal Graces Tech Blogs With Article

Mike — Wed, 07 Dec 2005 15:49:47 +0000

Lee Gomes at the Wall Street Journal has written a little piece about the world of “technology blogs”, which I’m guessing is the label most would give this very site. Its the usual mostly-puff peice about how blogs are taking a chunks out of the Mainstream Media, blah blah blah. Nothing you haven’t read before. But it does put a spotlight on a the great site: tech.memeorandum.com. Even though the link in the article doesn’t seem to work, Gomes does have something nice, although brief things to say about it.

Good for Gabe at tech.memorandum.com. And hopefully, it will be good for us too…tech.memorandum.com throws us a link from time to time.

Link: Tech Blogs Produce New Elite to Help Track The Industry’s Issues
VIa: tech.memeorandum.com

Misha Barton Is Dead

Mike — Fri, 25 Nov 2005 06:56:33 +0000

My mistake. I thought Misha Barton died today. It really was an honest a mistake. Here’s the deal: I saw this picture, and the headline say it died. So naturally, since that picture is clearly of Misha Barton, I assume she died. You would think the same thing right? Well it turns out that the picture isn’t of Misha Barton! I know! It does looks like her, but its really not. The picture is actually of the award winning “Ugliest Dog Ever”, which just happened to have died today at the age of 14. Look, its all really confusing, but I think we can all excuse my mistake. My apologies to the owner of the dog and the people that still have to look at the very alive Misha Barton.

After the jump there is a comparison of the two twins separated at birth.

via A Socialite’s Life

Is flickr Down?

Mike — Tue, 18 Oct 2005 23:24:16 +0000

Where did flickr‘s functionality go? Their site is up, but searching for any type of tag is not currently working and its breaking my website. Think of all the crunchy flickr junkies/hippies that are crying right now because they can’t upload their latest picture of them blowing a pot-smoke ring in their dog’s face?! Oh the horror…

Damn you flickr, damn you for making me get into my site’s code today.

Update #1: Now their site is down.
Update #2: Its back up, but still doens’t work. This will be the last update.

Gargamel Wins

dan — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 04:22:58 +0000

[link]

Update:
Click here for the link to the video Unicef made of the Smurfs being bombed

Another Lame GMail Giveaway

dan — Tue, 30 Aug 2005 00:43:36 +0000

I just noticed that I’ve now got 100 GMail invites to give away (up from the 50 invites I had last week).

If there is anyone left on Earth still without a GMail account and wants one drop me a line at gmail@danielcole.us

update: my webhosting provider is not forwarding my email addresses as it should and the gmail@danielcole.us account might as well not exist. For the zero people who sent me an invite request please leave your properly obfuscated email address in the comments.

Ugly Woman Claims To Be Baby Stolen By Dingo

Mike — Mon, 29 Aug 2005 16:38:41 +0000

25 years ago, a baby mysteriously vanished from a campsite in Alice Springs, Australia. The case got world-wide media attention, and sparked many jokes, after the mother claimed that her baby was stolen by Dingos. The missing baby’s parents were later convicted of murder and sentenced to prison until 1998 when they were released and their story (“The Dingos ate my baby!”) accepted.

Now, one Erin Horsburgh has stepped forward with the claim that she was that young baby, named Azaria Chamberlain. Horsburgh, or Chamberlain, claims that, although she was taken by Dingos, she was not killed, but just beaten severely with the ugly stick. Her proof? Flashbacks to when she was 9 weeks old, being taken by Dingos and a scar on her arm.

The Alice Springs police have labeled her a “Nut Job” and told her to go away, while trying their best not to look directly at her face.

Click after the jump so see the “grown up Azaria Chamberlain”.

Links: Police reject Azaria claims

Google Talk

Mike — Wed, 24 Aug 2005 16:08:37 +0000

Well, it looks like the rumors were true…Google Talk is here! I’ve had it installed for all of 30 seconds and I managed to crash it. I’m going to try again to get Google Talk going to see if it is worth yet another account for myself, but in the mean time here are a few links to get you started:

Google Talk download (Windows only)
Download Squad’s Review of Google Talk

Lastly, Google sucks for not releasing a Mac or a Linux client…but never fear! Google Talk is Jabber (The open-source IM server) at heart and Mac and linux geeks have clients for Jabber in spades. For mac you can use iChat, or Adium, for linux use GAIM. Here’s a link that TUAW has on setting up Google Talk on iChat or Adium (Virtually the same setup applies to Linux’s GAIM as well)
How to set up Google Talk on your Mac

Let me know if this crashes for you as well, and if you are on Linux, how good is the connection for you?

Update:

For those (ok, maybe just me) having trouble connecting via Adium, heres a bit of help. As stated before, username and password are your Gmail username and password. Here is a grab of the connection settings:

As for a “review”? Its ok I guess. Nothing special.