Tina Fey is Hot
Not to perpetuate the stereotypes that all geeks love Tina Fey…but this geek does.
Check out these photos from this month’s Vanity Fair cover story on the sexy-librarian comedian, and in case you weren’t sold on her this pull quote:
When I arrived, at 9:30 p.m., Fey had already put her three-year-old daughter, Alice, to bed and was tapping away on a silver Mac laptop at the kitchen counter on a script for 30 Rock, her slyly hilarious NBC comedy about an NBC comedy. She’ll return to the script when I leave, near midnight.
A Mac-loving night owl?! *Swoon*
One more pic for the road!
Jennifer Love Hewitt is TV’s Sexiest Woman?
People dump on “Love” all the time…*cough*, but my little general is always one of the first to come (If I wasn’t a gentleman, I would have spelled that differently to be funny.) to her aide, by standing up tall and saying, look, she’s no Heidi Klum, but I’d dive in there! That being said, I just had a talk with the little dude, and he doesn’t agree with TV Guide, the “magazine” based on the back 4 pages in your local paper’s Everyday section just before the comics, in saying that Jennifer Love Hewitt is TV’s sexiest woman. What a joke! To prove it, I’ll pull out a list of 5 different chicks that are currently on TV that are hotter than Jennifer Love Hewitt:
- Kristen Bell “Heroes” (I throw this one out first, because regular Hell Yeah Bitch! .com readers knew it was coming anyway.)
- Evangeline Lilly “Lost”
- Julie Gonzalo “Eli Stone” (Ah! Threw an unknown in there didn’t I?!)
- Sophia Bush “One Tree Hill” (The wife loves this show, I love Sophia Bush.)
- Heidi Klum “Project Runway”
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- Small, crappy photo of her, but you get the point. Very cute.
Jenna Jameson Actually Looking Human
Jenna Jameson used to be so hot. I mean, you don’t get filled with as much dick as she has without some decent looks right? But, as I think we are all aware, lately, she’s been looking a bit rough. Check this pic (from Perez Hilton, hence the dumb drawing on it.):
Now I don’t know for sure that this picture is brand new, but she looks hump-able here right? Sure, I know where its been, but all the same she seems to be getting back to looking like her usual sexy blonde with Daddy-Issues so severe her body actually metabolizes sperm.
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #65: Kristen Bell
There’s a reason that I’ve been so horrible to this poor bastard of a site as of late. I’ve been cheating on it. I know, I’m a fucker. …but wait. Once I tell you, faithful readers, who I’ve been cheating on Hell Yeah Bitch! .com with it will blow your fragile little mind: Another blog…a blog for women. I know what you are thinking, but I toned it down. The first post I wrote for my blog-twikie in the city was a post about the loss of my favorite show, Veronica Mars. Like I said, I toned it down, so there’s no need to post it here, but I just thought I would come clean and confess to you that I have been cheating and I’m trying to find a balance in my life to be able to give it to both of my blog bitches and keep everyone happy. Until then, I do have a related, and ON TIME, Kate Beckinsale Friend for you:
Kristen Bell! Pretty damn hot right? I figure its only a matter of time before we start hooking up. She just lost her gig at Veronica Mars…but I still bring home the bacon with my job at 7-11. We are the same age. We both constantly exude intense sexual energy. And of course, I’m assuming, we both love burning things. I called her agent to get her number and to feel her out about a Mike-Kristen hookup and she gave me some runaround crap about her having a “boyfriend” and she doesn’t “respond to threats” Bring it bitch! Once you get that first restraining order out of the way, the rest just roll off your back.
Two more pictures of my future girlfriend after the jump because I think you look sexy as hell driving down the road in your car with the windows up quietly rocking out to the Backstreet Boys techno remixes.
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #64: Petra Nemcova
And people always get so down on the 2004 tsunami…look what it did for Petra Nemcova! Before the tsunami, she was just a chick you see in a magazine ad and think “Wow. I would wreck that” and now, post-tsunami, her wikipedia page holds the record for having the most edits to the page while the editor is simultaneously holding their dick. Good for her.
I always think its weird how girls get all crazy when they think about how many dudes have probably choked the chicken thinking about them, and I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m cool with it. I know that every broad I come in to contact with during the day, whether it be the checker in the supermarket or the chick I flick off and call a fat whore in the morning on the way to work because she cut me off, goes home and diddles her snizz thinking about me and I’m 100% for it. Most chicks I know, especially the cuter ones, get all freaked out about it. To those chicks I say this: You can’t have everything princess! You not only don’t want us to grind up against you in the club or waiting in line at the bank, but you also don’t like it when we just go home a grind the bed with a print out of the picture I took of you with my cell phone placed on my pillow? Screw that. Pick the one that creeps you out the most and be pissed about that one, but a guy’s got to live his life.
In other news, there’s this weird kid on my street that keeps coming by on his scooter and hitting the buzzer button to my apartment. I’m pretty sure if I wait in the bushes to the right of the door, he’ll never see it coming. …I just said “in other news”, not “in related news”. Shut up.
Here’s the post-tsunami Petra looking like a perfectly good pillow print out.
2 more after the jump because I had my phone set on vibrate and someone just called when it was sitting on my lap. I’m in a good place now.
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #63: Jessica Simpson
I’m not sure what to think about Jessica Simpson anymore. She’s still hot right? She seems to have the same body as she did and the boobs are still kickin’, but yet I feel like she’s some how less attractive than she was all of 4 months ago. Sure I would still have no problem throwing it at her. I would still completely wreck her. I mean, I would do everything to her…and once again the next morning…but after that she’s gone. Thats truly the difference. 4 months ago, I’m doing everything I can to keep this broad in my bed. If she wanted to cheat on me with another dude all I would ask is that she keep in on her side of the bed and try their best to keep the guy’s junk from hitting me in the face while I’m sleeping. Now I’m still tapping it, but I’m letting her walk after a round or two. Its always sad when a hot chick drops down a level, but seeing “top of the food chain” type talent dropping is even more sad.
Here’s something I do know though: Skinny chicks with nice racks should wear the shirtless with blazer look more often. Its hot as hell. Don’t ask me to explain it. Its true though.
Two more after the jump because I hoping some hot chick out there will send me a picture of her shirtless wearing a blazer. I love you nameless girl of the future!
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #62: Jessica Alba
Throughout my years as a world famous playboy / cocksman I have pretty much learned everything there is to learn about women. For example, most of them hate the donkey punch, which of course is ironic because they never see it coming and your a long gone after they wake up. Another thing I’ve learned is that most women dislike the term “bonerific” even if it is being used to describe them. The problem with this is that “bonerific” is really the best way to describe some women. Take for instance Jessica Alba. Now try to tell me she isn’t “bonerific”. You can’t. Why? Because she’s “bonerific”. Yet, when I ran up to Jessica Alba in the street that one time with a heart drawn on my chest in lipstick and screamed at her that she was “bonerific” she got all weird. After a few seconds of me sliding from side to side so she couldn’t walk away I really thought I started to get through to her, but I’ll never know because of that cockblocking police man slammed me down to the ground right after. What a dick! I guess its true, no one appreciates true love in today’s society.
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #61: Ashlee Simpson
This week you get Ashlee Simpson. I’m almost certain she’s still considered famous. There is no doubt that she is considered stupid though. Anyone who goes from an annoying butter-face to someone smoking hot (and probably still annoying, but who cares right, because she’s smoking hot now) and doesn’t even use her new hotness to sell records or books or calendars or special edition sexual lubricant, or whatever. Look, she, or her doctor, did a fantastic job of becoming sexy enough to get out of the shadow of her sister’s rack to do…nothing. Ta da. I know its unreasonable to think that a greek god like myself could get much hotter, but if I managed to increase in hotness in the timespan that Ashlee Simpson did, I wouldn’t be wasting my new talent going to some lame Hot 100 party like where these pictures were taken, I would be out making movies in between orgies and on weekends I would be making movies of my orgies. …wait are orgies the thing that involves lots of real girls doing me or the thing that involves lots of pictures on my computer screen, peanut butter and my neighbor’s dog? I can’t remember. Both end the same if they go well and both end in nasty bite marks if they go bad. I always get them confused.
Either way, here’s a few pictures of Ashlee humping me with her eyes. One here for easy viewing and two after the jump because I think you and me just really go great together, don’t you?
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #60: Kate Beckinsale
Katie’s back everyone! Why? Because pictures worth posting start appearing on the web when she has a new movie coming out. This one, I think its called “Generic Horror Flick #8,237″, has Kate and Luke Wilson trying to stop people from killing them. Sounds awesome right? Specifically, I think the movie has something to do with snuff films and if thats the case, I give it an extra point. Which brings this movie’s total to…1 point.
The thing about snuff films is that everyone says they are “legend”, but that can’t be the case. The idea had to come from somewhere right? Not only that, but I’ll even stand up and say I’ve seen one. Ok fine, I’ve seen more than one. Catwoman and Speed 2 are my favorites. You just know by watching Catwoman that Halle Berry’s Oscar might as well be filled with chocolate because it doesn’t mean shit by the end of that movie. That scene where she took her career, slit its throat, and then had a dude in a gimp mask hump the slit until her career’s head came off and then the took turns craping in the skull? Crazy and powerfully erotic.
“Generic Horror Flick #8,237″ makes two shit movies in a row for my girl Kate (remember Click?), so unless she decides to do the old Hollywood standby and land a roll playing a retarded character with a gimpy leg and an accent, then her next film might be more about snuff films than this one.
She’ll always be hot though:
Two more after the jump because its 4/20 and these brownies someone gave me are TOTALLY FUCKING AMAZING dude!
Jenna Fischer is hot
Just throwing this out there to see if it sticks…but I think they need to write more episodes of the office where Pam somehow ends up dressed like this.
…maybe I can guest star. …maybe we can somehow find out how to make out on the show. …then maybe Lindsay Lohan comes in, and you know she won’t be wearing a bra, and she starts joining in. Nice. …Then maybe right when we all get naked I wake up in front of my computer under a pile of comic books, Apple stickers and Weird Al Yankovic albums and realize I’m a geek and not the sexy secret agent I make myself out to be on eHarmony. A geek that suddenly as laundry to do.