Evan Rachel Wood Is Totally Getting Back At Her Daddy
Deadbeat Dads that run off and leave their kids behind or stick around and treat them like crap get a bad rap these days, but seriously think about where would the world be without chicks with “Daddy Issues”? You think that stripper that ground her ass in to your junk last weekend for 15 minutes for $20 would be doing that if her Dad had stuck around and taught her how to drive? Hell no. What about that chick in college or high school that you could always count on when you struck out with the chick you really wanted? Every time she got back up from her knees you should have gotten down on yours and thanked her Dad for never coming back after going out for that pack of smokes. Oh yeah, and lets not forget about porn. Porn’s no where without those brave men that sacrifice their reputation and dare to make the world the better place by giving their daughters a heaping spoonful of “Daddy Issues”. Hell Yeah Bitch! .com salutes you gentlemen!
Take for instance the fine work that Evan Rachel Wood’s father did on her. Why do I bring up 19 year old Evan Rachel Wood? No, its not because I like typing Evan Rachel Wood, its because she is appearing in her boyfriend, Marylin Manson’s new video and they have lots of sex in it…and its apparently not acting.
According to a source close to the production crew, Manson and Wood elected not to fake their intercourse. Though their naughty bits are concealed on-screen by bedclothes and each other’s bodies, the logistics of the shoot ensured the crew members had an intimate view of the proceedings: The video was originally intended to be shot in 3-D, meaning the couple’s writhings had to be shot from several different angles simultaneously. And just to be sure they got it right, Manson and Wood got it on three times for the cameras. (via WWTDD)
Yeah, you show your mean Daddy what a slut you can be Evan Rachel Wood (I do kinda like typing it.)! He probably really didn’t care or learn his lesson though. You might want to do a couple of pornos just to be safe.
Britney Takes a Little Off the Top
Someone feel like explaining this to me?
It appears to be official, Britney Spears has gone “shave your head crazy”. To this I say finally and good for you Britney! Walk into a random tattoo parlor and get 2 new tats right after shaving your own head? Thats the way I plan to do it some day! Of course, I plan on being naked and holding a shotgun at the time. Plus, while the tattooing is being done on me, for free and by gun point, I’ll be rubbing my own feces on my chest. Everyone has their own style I guess…
I’ll be frank in saying I don’t exactly understand Britney’s reasons though. Her explanation for the new hair cut was “I don’t want anyone touching me. I’m tired of everybody touching me.” Sure that would have made sense for classic Britney, but new Britney? No one has wanted to touch her in quite a while now, though I will admit, if there are any “I still want to touch Britney” stragglers, this ought to stop them as well.
Of course we could all just be suckers. There could be legit and valid reasons for the new do:
1. She’s appearing in GI Jane 2: I’m Still a Chick
2. She got head lice from Paris.
3. She plans on going home and ripping up pictures of the Pope.
4. She’s entering that new militant wing of kabbalah.
5. She just went bat-shit wacko.
I just noticed that #5 is less legit but very much more likely.
You know Perez will keep us all updated on all Britney news up until the moment when we get grainy security camera footage of her robbing a bank and holding an AK-47. Perez Hilton is to Britney Spears drama as CNN is to little white children getting abducted.
Mike Meets Crazy MySpace-Lover Guy
I get that people love MySpace. Its amazing how universally popular it has become, not just with highschool kids, but with the 20-30 age group as well. That doesn’t mean I have to like it though. If you like and use MySpace, awesome. Good for you. I personally think MySpace is simply a ugly, unneeded window back to the 90′s when every website had small, badly repeating backgrounds, played horrible songs, and was filled with shit no one cares about. But thats just me…if you want to go through the “my first ugly-ass website” phase, I’m happy for you. I went through that phase too, only I did it 10 years ago on Geocities and mine played MIDI music as opposed to MP3s. Whats the point of this confession? Let me relay an experience I had 2 weekends ago at a party / hodown I got dragged to.
[ SCENE: Sitting around in a circle full of people I don't know drinking beers.]
["guy accross the circle from me"]: Are you on MySpace?
[ Me to "guy accross the circle from me"]: No, I’m not on MySpace. I just think they are ugly little things and I’ve already got all the drive to make ugly self-important sites out of my system.
["guy accross the circle from me"]: Its great for keeping in touch with friends and seeing old friends.
[Me]: Yeah, thats true, but I just can’t bring myself to use it…the interface is so bad you can’t help but make something ugly…
["Crazy MySpace-Lover Guy"]: (sitting next to me) What is wrong with MySpace?!
[Me]: Nothing really, I just don’t like it because…this is when I repeat myself…
["Crazy MySpace-Lover Guy"]: Well so what?!?! Tons of people like it!
[Me]: Uh, ok. Thats cool. I just said I don’t like them because they are ugly as hell and the interface sucks.
["Crazy MySpace-Lover Guy"]: (Makes tough-guy scoffing sound)…well…
[Me]: Look, I just said I don’t like it because I think they are ugly. That just comes from being a “web professional”. I’m in the business and most of us just think it is stupid and ugly. If you want to use it, its fine, I just don’t want to. Chill out.
["Crazy MySpace-Lover Guy"]: (Grumbles)…
[Me]: (to my girlfriend) Lets go somewhere else.
I don’t want to state the obvious, but just like the damn LiveStrong bracelets, when the “fans” start getting militant about their love and affection for the fad, the fad has officially jumped the shark.
People suck. Not you though, you’re cool.
You Think You Like the Simpsons?
You think you like the Simpsons? Please. This guy likes the Simpsons.
Anyone have an idea how much this cost him, or how much time this took? Yikes. This isn’t as bad as the Disney Tattoo Guy (great website by the way), but still crazy. If I had a Simpsons tattoo, Lou (the black cop) would be front and center. In fact I think it would be just Lou. I have my reasons.
Via CityRag and CollegeHumor