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Manny Watch?! You suck ESPN.

Mike — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:30:50 +0000

ESPN Screws Up the Josh Hamilton Memorial

Mike — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 01:16:48 +0000

I just watched the new montage piece ESPN put together for the passing of Josh Hancock and they managed to fuck it up the moment it started by showing a clip, not of Josh Hancock, but of Brad Thompson on the mound. I’m not even talking about a distant shot where you would have to be supremely eagle-eyed to pick it out, they showed a upward panning shot from toe to head including a close-up face shot…of Brad Thompson all while Karl Ravich was reading the short history of Josh Hancock.

Stay classy ESPN.

Here’s hoping someone catches their mistake before they post it online or show it again over the air.

Mike Defends Lance Armstrong? He Sucks, but He’s No Homophobe.

Mike — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 19:11:36 +0000

I didn’t watch the ESPYs (EPSN’s sports award show) because I don’t think the world needs any more award shows. You want to give out awards? Fine. Please do it without the show though. They are always boring. Whether it be movies, music or sports, they basically always boil down to an industry self-love circle jerk, and I don’t have to stomach to watch them. Sure, channels like MTV and ESPN try to make it better with different award categories and hosts that aren’t cut from the usual comedian cloth, but it doesn’t work. Recently, the non-comedian host of this year’s ESPYs got himself in trouble with one of the jokes from his monologue. Maybe you’ve heard, or you…shudder…actually watched the ESPYs, but the host that I speak of was none other than perennial topic, Lance Armstrong. Armstrong dropped an anal sex reference in a joke that he pointed at friend Jake Gyllenhaal, who we all know starred in Brokeback Mountain. You can watch the video clip of Armstrong delivering said joke after the jump, or you read the relevant part right here:

Armstrong: [blah blah blah]…Jake Gyllenhaal is here tonight.
[Applause]
Armstrong:Jake, why are you sitting in the front? I thought you liked it in the rear.

Apparently, this joke garnered some ire or at least the thought and discussion of ire from a few sources. For instance, Richard Sandomir of the New York Times called it a “tasteless line” and wondered how it was not edited it out. I’ll tell you why it wasn’t edited out Dick: Because it wasn’t a big deal. Regular readers of this site will want to brace themselves right now…I’m about to defend Lance Armstrong. There is no reason why Armstrong should be getting any flack for this. First off, lets state the obvious. If you want to get made at anyone for that joke, Armstrong isn’t the guy. Lets not kid ourselves. Armstrong was simply reading a script. Secondly, in the grand pantheon of jokes, that joke sucked. It was the last of roughly 1,000,000,000,000 other Brokeback Mountain jokes and you could see the punchline coming from a mile away. However…if you narrow it down to the pantheon of award show jokes, then the joke isn’t half bad and actually gets a little extra credit for trying to push the Gestapo enforced envelope of modern TV. Lastly, whats to get offended over? Like I said before, its no worse than any other of the billion “Brokeback” jokes that echoed from the TV off every water cooler in the world for the past 9 months. How was that joke offensive? Is it more offensive than calling a Jewish guy cheap or saying a man doesn’t want to ask for directions? Of course its a generalization of a group, thats what 96% of jokes are. Wow, he called Jake Gyllenhaal gay! How edgy! Then add in the fact that its got a real shot at being completely true when you look at Gyllenhaal track record and you’ve actually have a pretty bland joke. Armstrong has actually been accused of being a homophobe. Come on! Correct me if I’m wrong, but there was nothing derogatory or wrong in that joke right? I mean “in the rear” as Armstrong puts it, is how a couple of gay guys get down. So what was wrong hateful in his joke? Its no more hateful that a gay man making a joke about how boring missionary position is. I’m getting tired of the knee-jerk reaction that if you say the word “gay” and you happen to be straight, then you are a homophobe. I guess the overreaction by people is better than the other side that spends their time telling people how to live and if they are going to hell or not, but not by much.

Now if I know Armstrong, he’ll probably redact his joke in some interview in the coming days. He’ll say that he’s sorry and he didn’t want to offend anyone with his comments and that he really shouldn’t of said that. In fact, he might have already released that statement. Either way, thats too bad, and I would go right back on the offensive against Armstrong. You shouldn’t take that joke back. You shouldn’t apologize. Leave it out there. Let Dick from the Times whine about it. Be a man and stand by the joke you had written for you and you practiced delivering in the mirror of your bedroom for weeks on! Who knows, maybe this will make your stupid bracelets more fashionable again. Nevermind, I think the wristband ship has sailed.

Hey new readers!

For more information on why Lance and I have a past (insert your own Brokeback joke here), read some old favorites such as:
Livestrong, die now! (Make sure to take the time and check out the comments.)
Livestrong, die now! II

That Jersey You’re Wearing Makes You Look Like An Ass

Mike — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 16:02:29 +0000

ESPN.com’s Page 2 has an article up detailing what your store-bought baseball jersey that you wear says about you. He steps through most, if not all, the different “types” of jerseys you see at a game, and then tells you why you shouldn’t be wearing that. For instance jerseys of guys that have left your team…

Active Guys Who’ve Left jerseys:
These are inexcusable, yet you still see Red Sox No. 5 GARCIAPARRA, Braves No. 31 MADDUX and Mariners No. 24 GRIFFEY on fans who can’t let go, a la Mike Peters from “Swingers.” Yes, they were popular. Yes, it was fine to wear them at one time. And yes, paying $120 for a jersey of your favorite player, only to see him get traded or signed away is a bona fide kick in the stomach. But until they’ve retired and the jerseys achieve full retro status, one shouldn’t dress like he’s got numbers of married ex-girlfriends still saved on his cell phone.

Link: ESPN.com | Your Jersey Is Talking

ESPN.com Redesigned

Mike — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 15:44:53 +0000

One of my sites that I check many (maybe too many) times a day was redesigned today. ESPN.com I like it. It has a cleaner feel to it, and after only a glance, the code seems decent as well. I give it a thumbs up.

Why Chris Berman Sucks

Mike — Wed, 30 Nov 2005 17:17:14 +0000

I’m not sure how much of our readership enjoys watching ESPN, or for that matter EPSN. I watch ESPN a lot, and thought I’m not convinced its exactly a TV channel squeezed from the birth canal of Satan, there are some things that I absolutely HATE about EPSN. I won’t bother to list all of my personal complaints, but 99% of them start with “I hate it when Chris Berman does…” Berman sucks. I’m not sure why he keeps getting treated like a god on that channel, but it needs to stop. I can feel the rage build up inside me when Berman decides to make his “Whoop!” noise over and over again in the highlights. Most of the time Berman makes the noise from hell when the guy isn’t even making a cool move, he just running! And don’t get me started on his ruining of a baseball game with his retarded “Back back back” thing he does when someone hits a homerun!

Ok calming tones. Deep breath. I’m cool now. The reason for the enraged tirade was a great list of 52 Reasons ESPN Sucks by the guys at the College Football site Everday Should Be Saturday. Thought I’m not as upset with everything as they are, they do seem to share in my extreme hatred of Chris Berman and that makes me smile.

14. Chris Berman’s “WHOOP!” noise. Berman will make several appearances here, since he’s one of the worst things about the network, so we’ll just list the offense and the death strike we think is appropriate. In this case, we think the two hand spiral neck snap, an old Seagal move, would be perfect.

Read the 51 other reasons why ESPN sucks, nod your head in agreement, then come back here and leave a comment on whether or not any of you care about stuff like this.