People Like Dina Lohan Piss Me Off
According to pretty much every gossip site in the world today, Dina Lohan, aka Lindsay’s mom, was, well…
Dina, spotted in a “really short dress and boots,” made some fellow diners at Kobe Club lose their appetites Wednesday night. A guy sitting next to Dina was “all over her,” we’re told. “Dina had a napkin in her lap and hiked up her dress,” our source says. “The guy put his hand under her napkin . . . It went on for like five minutes.” After the guy realized he was being watched, he stopped whatever it was he was doing. A rep for Dina said, “That’s a disgusting lie and it’s completely untrue.”
The rep went on to say “Dina would never, and I mean never eat at that shit hold the Kobe Club…oh, you were talking about her getting finger-banged? Thats true. She loves it. I’m doing it to her right now actually.”
You know what pisses me off about broads like Dina Lohan? Sure they sound all down when they lean over at dinner and tell you to finger-bang them, and then you take them home and they say they want it rough. So you stab them one time (one time!) with the chef’s knife you keep on your nightstand and they get all upset, start screaming, and calling you a psycho! Bitches. They just don’t understand the simple fact that sex involves getting stabbed. They don’t act like virgins in restaurants getting finger-banged, but when it comes to getting down in my abandoned building apartment at night after I roofie them you can totally tell they don’t know what they are doing.
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #39
After a day of meetings, I got in late last night from my trip to Salt Lake City. On the way home from the airport I stopped and helped two orphans find new adopted parents, then I stopped by a farm to cure a cow of giving sour milk followed by a dinner of Arby’s. Needless to say, I was busy. …but not so busy that I forgot about the most important thing: Taking my anti-psychotic medication. I also didn’t forget the second most important thing: You, the readers that love Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo Fridays. These pics have been making the rounds the last few days, but they aren’t bad. God bless photoshop.
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #37
Can this still count as a Halloween Edition? The Simpson’s Halloween episode doesn’t air until Sunday, so I think today is still kosher to post a Halloween version of Kate Beckinsale and Friends Friday. Even if it wasn’t kosher to call this a Halloween edition, these are still the pictures I would post because even though this week’s subject is technically in a costume, its not all that far off the mark of stuff she usually wears. Look, I’m not complaining. I love that Lindsay Lohan is a chick that backs up the universal girl claim that they all want to look sexy. Most of them are liars. They all say they want to look sexy, but when you actually see them out, they are wearing some tshirt and baggy jeans carrying some excuse that they didn’t have time or are feeling bloated. Those excuses are crap, and Lindsay Lohan is the proof. Sure, she’s been known to take it too far and look a bit whore-esque, but speaking for all guys, we appreciate taking it too far over not taking it far enough.
One more thing about Lindsay’s “costume”. Its hot. I like that and love to see the effort, but please don’t dilute yourself to the point that you think that is an actual Halloween costume. Its not. Going as a monkey or a plastic soldier are Halloween costumes. Dressing up like you are planning on doing me at my hotel and then stealing my wallet when I’m not looking is not a Halloween costume. I don’t have a problem with dressing up like that. In fact, I wish it were mandatory for girls under a certain weight to dress like that for Halloween (and the third Tuesday of every month) but seriously, don’t call it a “costume”. Its not.
Don’t let it get to you Lindsay. We at Hell Yeah Bitch! .com love your effort, your non-Skeletor resembling body (I like to call is “Classic Lohan”) and your awesome outfit in these pictures.
Two more pics if you promise to click on the next link.
Take Lindsay Lohan…Please.
According to MSNBC and WWTDD.com rumors are flying that Lindsay Lohan is considering a move to London after she was seen pricing homes in the Notting Hill area. Lohan also issued this quote lending even more credence to the rumors:
“I just love Notting Hill — it has some really cool shops and great restaurants. I’ve been looking at some properties while I’ve been over here and we’re hoping to buy something soon. I can see me and Harry really fitting in there.”
Honestly I’m a bit surprised that Lohan still wants to move there after finding out that Hugh Grant doesn’t in fact live there with Julia Roberts and his roommate that ended up being a replacement kicker in a stupid Keanu Reeves movie.
This is nothing but good news and I’m loving the fact that England has somehow become the United States’ dumping ground for annoying celebrities. Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, now Lohan. You are tired about your “rotten” life in the US? Awesome. Goodbye. The only downside of this is that Lindsay isn’t good friends with Paris Hilton, so we will have to think of a different way to lure the Hiltons over to The Celebrity Dump England. Maybe we can all talk about how great a life Lindsay is having over there and Paris will get jealous and move over there out of spite. Thats step two of my plan: Get as many annoying celebrities in one area that is not on US soil. Step Three is: Bomb the hell out of where they are. Sure the Royal Family and Tony B. might get a little pissed about the surgical attack on a region of their country, but once we explain it all to them, I’m sure they’ll come around.
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #30
Reese Witherspoon is boring.
The usual starlet night out goes a little something like this: Going out, then getting drunk and banging guys, then do lots of drugs and bang Wilmer Valderamma (Being on lots of drugs is the only way I can assume Wilmer gets the amount of chicks he does. Seriously what hot girl would even think about letting this queen-in-denial pound on them if they weren’t on lots of drugs?) Then wake up the next day and see your girly parts on the front page along with 145 rumors about who you are now dating for each of the 145 guys you banged or made out with at last night’s parties. Reese’s usual plans? Taking care of her kids, like shopping for food so her kids have something to eat…or, get this, playing with her kids. Whats that all about?! Sure there’s a few premieres mixed in her schedule, but she doesn’t ever get drunk and crash her car afterward, so those don’t count. I don’t know if you’ve heard Reese, but kids are not the current fashion accessory…stupid, spoiled, rich, mimbo heirs to old money are, or at least flings with random guys.
Here’s the skinny: If you ever want to get on a real career path like one Lindsay Lohan is currently enjoying, you need to ditch your husband, leave him the kids, and you and me speed the weekend in Jamaica doing it on the balcony of the house we rent. …and if you really want to party, I can call up Keisha Knight Pulliam (she is always holdn’) and we can get all coked up and you two can put on really short skirts and get in and out of cars and boats all night in front of the paparazzi. Once one or two really good gyner-shots (You like that? I just coined it.) hit the web you guys will be on easy street. Give me a call, we’ll set up the details. You can get my number from Kate Hudson, I’ve got her scheduled next month.
We of course have three shots of Reese looking beautiful at a recent premiere (2 after the jump), but sadly none of them are “gyner-shots”…
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #20
Have you seen the Lindsay Lohan pictures from her spread in British GQ? I was taking a look-see last night, I and thought to my self, this is the first time in at least a year that I looked at Lindsay Lohan and actually thought she looked attractive. It seems like for a while now, I look at her, she looks like hell, and I say to myself: “She used to be cute” or “She could be cute.” but I haven’t thought “She is cute.” Yet if you were to ask me a few days ago to name off some hot celebrities, I would have listed Lohan. Weird huh? How did I get brainwashed into thinking I was supposed to think she was hot even though she hasn’t been for some time now? I guess thats what I get for eating one of Matthew McConaughey’s brownies at that orgy back a few months. That was a weird party, I remember telling Lidnsay Lohan that she wasn’t nearly as sexy as the her coke-induced stuper made her believe and then I just remember waking up the next morning thinking that Lindsay Lohan was the sexiest person alive…and for some reason my ass hurt. I guess I will never know if the brainwashing and the ass-soreness were related in some way. Now enjoy this week’s pics, I need to go make a call or two. Jake Gyllenhaal keeps sending me fruit baskets with cards that say: “Thanks for the wonderful night!” It must be some kind of mistake.
See Lindsay Lohan’s Boob
Her right one to be exact. Its a nice boob. Not the best I’ve ever seen (in case you were wondering I’ve seen thousands!), but a nice one. “A-”
Now, I won’t host the picture here. I just can’t. Like Disney, our name is sysnomous with “family entertainment” and I can’t step over those bounds (that, and I don’t feel like uploading it). However, I will link to it. Lindsay Lohan’s right boob @ wwtdd.com
Enjoy gentlemen.
Lindasy Lohan Hates Scarlett
In a recent trip to the New York club Dark Room (which happens to double as the premier coke-snorting real estate), Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss had all sorts of adult fun. But have no fear English teachers of America, precious Lindsay took a time out while on the can to write a little prose on the stall:
Scarlett is a bloody cunt / L / Peace and love / [illegible] / fucker.
Precious. Oddly enough, I’m not quite sure why this is a big deal. I don’t know Scarlett, maybe she really is a “bloody cunt”. If you only have one peice of information about someone, thats what you have to run with. Of course dear Lindsay could be referring to this Scarlett. If that is the case then I really think this little dispute, whatever it may be, should really be settled with some sort of Jello wrestling match, followed by a makeout contest…at my place.
Source: Gwaker