“LAN Party Massacre” is a Real Movie?
Apparently. Here’s the trailer:
Could be a classic awesomely bad movie…but more than likely I’ll buy the movie poster for my office and thats all the good that will come of it.
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #60: Kate Beckinsale
Katie’s back everyone! Why? Because pictures worth posting start appearing on the web when she has a new movie coming out. This one, I think its called “Generic Horror Flick #8,237″, has Kate and Luke Wilson trying to stop people from killing them. Sounds awesome right? Specifically, I think the movie has something to do with snuff films and if thats the case, I give it an extra point. Which brings this movie’s total to…1 point.
The thing about snuff films is that everyone says they are “legend”, but that can’t be the case. The idea had to come from somewhere right? Not only that, but I’ll even stand up and say I’ve seen one. Ok fine, I’ve seen more than one. Catwoman and Speed 2 are my favorites. You just know by watching Catwoman that Halle Berry’s Oscar might as well be filled with chocolate because it doesn’t mean shit by the end of that movie. That scene where she took her career, slit its throat, and then had a dude in a gimp mask hump the slit until her career’s head came off and then the took turns craping in the skull? Crazy and powerfully erotic.
“Generic Horror Flick #8,237″ makes two shit movies in a row for my girl Kate (remember Click?), so unless she decides to do the old Hollywood standby and land a roll playing a retarded character with a gimpy leg and an accent, then her next film might be more about snuff films than this one.
She’ll always be hot though:
Two more after the jump because its 4/20 and these brownies someone gave me are TOTALLY FUCKING AMAZING dude!
Wanna see Christina Ricci (last week’s chosen one) get plowed Hollywood-style by Justin Timberlake? Egotastic makes your wish come true!
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #53: Christina Ricci
I’d love nothing more than to tell you that I spent the weekend staring at these pictures trying to figure out how Christina Ricci got so damn hot, but I can’t. The fact Hell Yeah Bitch! .com has been in a cluster-fuck consisting of me being uber busy and when I wasn’t busy, the site was down. So here it is. Monday. Three days late. Sorry.
Seriously though, how freaking hot does Christina Ricci look in these pictures? I would type more but my hands are busy… Tee hee…I’m dirty!
Two more after the jump!
Whats better than watching Sienna Miller look like she is getting plowed in a movie? Actually seeing Sienna Miller getting plowed in a movie. No, I’m not offering to sell you my tape of me and that Sienna Miller cardboard cutout getting freaky I made in my room last weekend, word has leaked that the sex scenes in her new movie Factory Girl look real because they are real.
That damn Hayden Christensen. That will teach me to turn down movie parts where I costar with Sienna Miller and instead choose to work on my Broadway career. (via WWTDD.com
Hollywood Doesn’t Understand Code
This was mentioned on BoingBoing today, but its too good not to pass along for the geeks that read this. Drivl.com has a great post featured on its front page today entitled “What code DOESN’T do in real life (that it does in the movies)”
5. Code does not make blip noises as it appears on the screen
This goes for ANY text, not just code. When text appears on my monitor it doesn’t make blip sounds – this isn’t 1902 (or whenever monitors used to do that).
This is one of the most common offenses in Hollywood films, almost every movie that has a scene where a character is composing an email or surfing the net has the text make blippity-blip sounds as it appears. Do they have any idea how fucking irritating that would be in real life? This article alone would be like thirty thousand blippity-blips.
I’ll actually take the quote above a step further: Searches don’t make noise either! Every damn time someone searches for fingerprints in the database it makes this stupid whirring sound. Can you imagine if every Google search made that damn sound? Yeah, it sounds official, maybe it sounds like you are getting more done…but sweet tap-dancing christ that would get old.
Maybe I should make our new search have a whirring noise when running. Would that make it sound like its better?
Mike Reviews the Hell Out of Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny
Yes, thats right. Hell Yeah Bitch! .com got a exclusive early sneak peak at the new Tenacious D movie The Pick of Destiny and, yes, we plan to give you a review.
Lets start by prefacing this with the statement that I am a huge Tenacious D fan. I watched their short lived HBO episodes countless times while in college, I listened to their album along with any and all bootlegs cuts from the show and concerts I could get a hold of. That being said, I don’t want to sound too mushy or for you to get the idea that I would love it if The D’s movie turned out to be nothing more that the film equivalent of Kyle Gass dropping a Cleveland Steamer on my chest. I really did go into this movie with quite a bit of trepidation. I wanted it to be good so bad and I didn’t want them to lose touch with the humble and hilarious HBO show roots that I actually came into the theater with more than a little chip on my shoulder ready to be pissed. The final result though? I loved it. If you don’t mind hearing details, vague storyline tidbits and a list of memorable cameos please continue reading. I’ll be good, I won’t spoil the movie.
Christopher Walken as Ozzy Osbourne
According to SPIN magazine Christopher Walken has decided to make his next oddly awesome career move be playing the King of Darkness Ozzy Osbourne in the Motley Crue made-for-TV biopic.
Christopher Walken is famous for choosing out-there roles (dancing in the Fatboy Slim “Weapon of Choice” clip comes to mind), but he’s trying something completely different this time, playing Ozzy Osbourne in the forthcoming film version of the Motley Crüe autobiography, The Dirt.
I have to say, if 20 minutes ago you came up to me and said “Dude, what do you say you and I sit down and watch a made-for-TV movie about Motley Crue?” I would have told you “Do I look like Donald Rumsfeld? Trust me I have better things to do. What the hell are yo u doing in my apartment? How did you get in here? Who the hell are you and why aren’t you wearing pants?” But now I that I know the great (and by great I mean weird, and kind of scary) Walken will be playing the roll of Ozzy, this could get interesting.
…eh screw it. I still won’t watch it, unless its rainy and playing on VH1 in three years on a Sunday and I’m wearing a green shirt.
Superman The Movie’s Animated Alternate Ending
I was totally going to not post anything today. I was! I working on a lot of loose ends at work, I felt like crap all day, and I had to resist the urge not to pick up my 21 inch CRT monitor and drop it on my co-worker’s head. That was enough work for the day. No more. I was just going to finish doing these last two lines of blow off Rudy Huxtable firm, cocaine-trimmed abs, eat one bowl of baby seal pudding out of the hollowed-out skull of a extra from High School: The Musical and then I was going to hit the sack early.
That is until I saw a humorous video starring my buddy Superman. You know how it is with me, Superman comes first. Here is the video, its from youTube, but it was done by the crew at howitshouldhaveended.com, and I saw it from Digg. Did you follow that? I don’t care.
Funny huh? Now back to my pudding…
Snake On a Plane Joins the Pantheon of Slang
While working on today’s Kate Beckinsale and Friends article, I ran across some new slang at the Urban Dictionary that caught my eye:
snakes on a plane
A simple existential observation that has the same meaning as “Whaddya gonna do?” or “Shit Happens”. Taken from the upcoming Samuel L. Jackson movie of the same name, and immortilised by screenwriter Josh Friedman on his blog post of Wednesday, August 17, 2005.
Guy 1: (irate) Dude, you just ran into the back of my SUV!
Guy 2: (calm) Snakes on a plane man. Snakes on a plane.
This is just the first definition of what “snakes on a plane” means with four more pages of definitions following it, though it is the best and the one I will chose to follow. I hope you all do the same.