Jennifer Love Hewitt is TV’s Sexiest Woman?
People dump on “Love” all the time…*cough*, but my little general is always one of the first to come (If I wasn’t a gentleman, I would have spelled that differently to be funny.) to her aide, by standing up tall and saying, look, she’s no Heidi Klum, but I’d dive in there! That being said, I just had a talk with the little dude, and he doesn’t agree with TV Guide, the “magazine” based on the back 4 pages in your local paper’s Everyday section just before the comics, in saying that Jennifer Love Hewitt is TV’s sexiest woman. What a joke! To prove it, I’ll pull out a list of 5 different chicks that are currently on TV that are hotter than Jennifer Love Hewitt:
- Kristen Bell “Heroes” (I throw this one out first, because regular Hell Yeah Bitch! .com readers knew it was coming anyway.)
- Evangeline Lilly “Lost”
- Julie Gonzalo “Eli Stone” (Ah! Threw an unknown in there didn’t I?!)
- Sophia Bush “One Tree Hill” (The wife loves this show, I love Sophia Bush.)
- Heidi Klum “Project Runway”
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- Small, crappy photo of her, but you get the point. Very cute.
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #61: Ashlee Simpson
This week you get Ashlee Simpson. I’m almost certain she’s still considered famous. There is no doubt that she is considered stupid though. Anyone who goes from an annoying butter-face to someone smoking hot (and probably still annoying, but who cares right, because she’s smoking hot now) and doesn’t even use her new hotness to sell records or books or calendars or special edition sexual lubricant, or whatever. Look, she, or her doctor, did a fantastic job of becoming sexy enough to get out of the shadow of her sister’s rack to do…nothing. Ta da. I know its unreasonable to think that a greek god like myself could get much hotter, but if I managed to increase in hotness in the timespan that Ashlee Simpson did, I wouldn’t be wasting my new talent going to some lame Hot 100 party like where these pictures were taken, I would be out making movies in between orgies and on weekends I would be making movies of my orgies. …wait are orgies the thing that involves lots of real girls doing me or the thing that involves lots of pictures on my computer screen, peanut butter and my neighbor’s dog? I can’t remember. Both end the same if they go well and both end in nasty bite marks if they go bad. I always get them confused.
Either way, here’s a few pictures of Ashlee humping me with her eyes. One here for easy viewing and two after the jump because I think you and me just really go great together, don’t you?
Britney Spears Discovers Time Travel!
There is no other possible explanation to how the hell Britney Spears went from this to this and now today…the picture above. Britney Spears has created a time traveling machine. Of course, she has yet to announce her invention to the world, but come on…how else do you explain this? Plus, time travel would explain the head shaving thing. You always see time travelers with shaved heads in the movies! I’m not sure if its because the molecular structure of human hair is incapable of withstanding the pressures that time travel puts on the human body or if its because dudes with shaved heads look more bad ass when then appear in a ball of white light and lots of smoke. I assumed it was the later, and if thats the case Britney took this one step too far… None of that matters though because we live in a new age of time travel and its all thanks to Britney’s fat ass…whoops! Sorry, old habits die hard.
Check out the ass on Britney! Doesn’t it look familiar? Thats right, its the same ass from the “Oops I Did It Again” video. Time travel is the shit!
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #59: Elisha Cuthbert
How many times do I have to be late with this feature before I have to stop calling it a ‘Friday’ feature?
We’ve had Elisha Cuthbert as a “Kate Beckinsale Friend” a few times now, so when these pictures surfaced, I decided to dig a little deeper in to Mss Cuthbert. That being said…I didn’t want to go to more than one site, so I went to the aptly named Elisha Cuthbert Fan Site. The first thing you notice upon actually visiting this site is their little inane paragraph explaining what they do. Not only is it cut into with an odd ad placement for the gay (but hotter) MySpace, it also has this little nifty closing sentence:
Notice: if you are looking for Elisha Cuthbert nude pic, I have to disappoint you because there is no Elisha Cuthbert nude pic on the net. All Elisha Cuthbert naked pics are fake.
As you read that, you can almost see this geek’s hands quivering with rage as he types this on his keyboard. “My Elisha would never do naked pictures!” Well I have news for you Jack: Not only does she do nudes, she won’t stop sending them to me. Sure at first when you open your mail and you find an 8×10 glossy of Elisha Cuthbert spread eagle its the best day of your life, but 3 months later when you check your box and its filled with her latest “Me and My Cucumber” series it gets a little tiresome.
That story proves three things:
1. I’m awesome and chicks send me naked pictures all the time.
2. Elisha Cuthbert does have the ability to take her clothes off.
3. Naked pictures that are just delivered to you as opposed to the pictures that you have to crouch down someplace dark with your camera to take them just aren’t as exciting. I mean, I tried to look at the ones I got in the mail while cutting my palm with a knife, but it just wasn’t the same. I guess if you want that erection, you have to put in the extra work.
Here are some pictures of Elisha Cuthbert with some clothes on. FYI, don’t try cutting yourself while looking at them…it will just hurt.
Two more after the jump because you have funny looking ears.
The blog Dark Roasted Blend has a great pictorial of the sexy stewardess of yesteryear. Every time I take a flight I walk on the plane thinking, this time I’m going to have a cute flight attendant. Out of all my flights in my life, its happened once and I’ll be honest in saying I may have given her a flight attendant upgrade to a higher level of cuteness so my wish of having a real life sexy stewardess would finally come true. To think of the world we now live in with all its wonders, like Growing Pains marathons, and I still have to get on a plan and have my Coke poured into that little cup by some ugly chick. Its sad really. How long will it take before some old rich coot makes the Hooters version of an airline?
Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo #44
(Its late. The blame rests on equal parts traveling and short term memory.)
Its Christmas! …er…Its The Holidays! So its time for a Holiday Edition of Gratuitous Kate Beckinsale and Friends Photo. Because of this special occasion, I’ve decided to give you a present: Less of me talking and twice as many pictures! The first picture is here followed by 5 more after the jump.
Oh, and no celebrities this week either, we are working with all amatures this week! All pictures are brought to you from our friends at College Humor.
Enjoy!
Even Ebeneezer Scrooge couldn’t hate this one.
The Keg Stand: Redux
The keg stand has long been apart of the nation’s drunken consciousness, and then shortly after, our nation’s pounding hangover. For those that aren’t aware, because you are either too young, or too lame, a keg stand is:
The act of doing a handstand on a keg while guzzling down a mass amount of said keg’s contents through its hose-like dispenser. There is a common myth that by being positioned upside-down during the consumption of beer, the alcohol will reach the brain more quickly (this is anatomically possible given that the beer must reach the stomach first). The person performing such an act is typically physically supported by many intoxicated friends.
via Urban Dictionary
This however is a new and wonderful type of keg stand. I like to call it, the “Sexy But No Beer Involved Keg Stand”
Nice.
Sexiest Woman Alive In 7th Heaven
After months of waiting, so much science that if I tried to explain it your head would explode, and a lot of guys in lab coats staring at pictures of hot chicks, Esquire has finally released who “The Sexiest Woman Alive” is: Jessica Biel. Whew! Now that we have that settled, we can all get back to our normal lives.
The sad part about all of this is now that Esquire has told us all who exactly is the sexiest woman alive, what will drunk guys do at bars and frat houses? I guess they can argue who the 2nd sexiest woman alive is, but whats the fun of choosing the first loser? Yeah it sucks, but the cold hard reality is: You can’t debate Esquire. They have decided. Its over. Jessice Biel is the sexiest woman ever, period. I’m sure your girlfriend is very hot, but Esquire has proved that she would look like a hairy dude, wrapped in Saran Wrap that just simultaneously puked and crapped on himself if she ever got into the same zip code as Jessica Biel. You just can’t fight science.
Congratulations Jessica!
(bigger picture of Ms. Biel after the jump)