According to pretty much every gossip site in the world today, Dina Lohan, aka Lindsay’s mom, was, well…

Dina, spotted in a “really short dress and boots,” made some fellow diners at Kobe Club lose their appetites Wednesday night. A guy sitting next to Dina was “all over her,” we’re told. “Dina had a napkin in her lap and hiked up her dress,” our source says. “The guy put his hand under her napkin . . . It went on for like five minutes.” After the guy realized he was being watched, he stopped whatever it was he was doing. A rep for Dina said, “That’s a disgusting lie and it’s completely untrue.”

The rep went on to say “Dina would never, and I mean never eat at that shit hold the Kobe Club…oh, you were talking about her getting finger-banged? Thats true. She loves it. I’m doing it to her right now actually.”

You know what pisses me off about broads like Dina Lohan? Sure they sound all down when they lean over at dinner and tell you to finger-bang them, and then you take them home and they say they want it rough. So you stab them one time (one time!) with the chef’s knife you keep on your nightstand and they get all upset, start screaming, and calling you a psycho! Bitches. They just don’t understand the simple fact that sex involves getting stabbed. They don’t act like virgins in restaurants getting finger-banged, but when it comes to getting down in my abandoned building apartment at night after I roofie them you can totally tell they don’t know what they are doing.